Emmett's Guide To Managing The Incompetent

April 16, 2009 5:33 PM

There is an art form to managing the lazy and inept. I am a master of that art, the Picasso of supervising the confused and bedraggled. Corporate has bestowed this responsibility on my shoulders and I do not intend to let them down.

I see myself as their lord -- they are my subjects. Whoever said, "You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar," clearly never worked with Jeff Barnes, Lester Patel and Morgan Grimes.


Expect FAILURE
I expect my employees to fail at every task. I am prepared for every possible circumstance and scenario. It's impossible to be surprised if you anticipate complete disaster. It is impossible to be disappointed if your expectations are already at zero -- that's science people.


Induce FEAR.
For those who don't want to work, and have no desire to succeed, there is only one way to control them -- fill them with terror. Fear and intimidation are my pallet and paintbrush. Using them, I will paint a picture of misery and ORDER. Fear, at the Buy More, is the little death that brings me total control.

-- E. Milbarge